In the last few weeks that I have not been blogging, my family has taken a million small steps towards our adoption. One day there was no activity around this adoption, and I wondered what was happening. It’s like God heard the million thoughts running through my head, and bam I felt the showers of to do tasks. Fingerprinting, 10 hrs of adoption classes, references and our blind date with Ms D: in a nutshell that has been my last few weeks and oh! Cleaning my house like there is no tomorrow. It’s amazing how every step is daunting when you know there is a little person at stake.
Fingerprinting has never been more daunting in my life, and I have been fingerprinted at least 20 times already between customs, immigration and everything in the middle. Standing in a ups store, I wondered what if I had some unknown criminal record I did not know about, what if my husband did too—sure, I knew him but what if… can you really know someone that well? Battling the monster in my head, my husband and I were able to get our fingerprints taken. My mom has super skinny, alien-ish fingers that refused to co-operate. She was stressed, annoyed, and somewhere in there a little nervous too. A new day and a new ups store later, her alien fingerprints registered.
I have never been good at trainings. At work, I skim through it or mute my computer if it is a video. We finished 4 hours of training. I listened to every word they said. Somehow I felt I owed it to my little girl. I joked to my husband if every couple had to do it, they could totally eliminate teenage pregnancies and unwanted pregnancies. That said, those trainings were indeed interesting and very educational. Even if you have a kid, bringing a child home is a different ball game. You need new defensive plans and plays to prepare you for it. In those training moments, we learned about attachments, and how to form one with the child. Duh!! My husband sure needs that training and more on attachments in general. I can form attachments in a second and be heartbroken later. So I need training on how to form less attachments- clearly they don’t recommend that. After almost 2 weeks of silence again, I got an update email from our agency. With shaking hands and racing heartbeat, I opened the email dreading to know of any crimes I could have committed when I was asleep. All clear!! Pheww….Not a criminal or married to a criminal after all!
A follow up email introduced Ms. D to us. Ms D is our social worker and she was going to contact us. I know what people feel when they are waiting for a girl/guy to call them back. After 5 days of deafening silence, we heard back from Ms. D. Those 5 days were traumatic. I wondered if she was given all the digits of my phone number, and what if she called me when there was no reception. I checked my phone a million times to see if I forgot to feel the “vibration” of my phone. As I pondered, I got an email from her asking me to set up our date. So all that phone turn off/on, and what not- and she sends an email. Women…so unpredictable!
So here we are at the cusp of the D day. On 11/22 we get to meet her for lunch. I ponder how I should dress- Do I need to project a more matured me or should I go meet her like the real me: a jeans and sweatshirt clad college girl who is not in college. And then there are the questions: what will she ask? Will she pry into my soul as I answer or will she be chilled out? I have never been good at initiating conversations and I wonder how awkward the meeting would be. She holds the key to our daughter, and somehow I feel more pressure than ever before. Between now and Friday, I am hoping I can charm Ms. D’s pants off like George Clooney, and she hands me a little baby girl!! If God were to give me a genie, I would ask to be a charmer like Shahrukh Khan or George Clooney, just for a day I would want the gift of jab!