I can never stand to see an animal die even in movies. I have cried through King Kong because they killed King Kong, and I could not comprehend how someone could put an animal down. I could never see myself make that decision and I really prayed I would never have to do it. But that day did arrive on Nov 19, 2014.
I have always been a dog lover, until 2001 when a cat walked into our apartment. She was hungry and we decided to feed her. Fast-forward to March 8, 2002 and my mom woke me up saying there were four healthy kittens in my room. The cat that walked in gave us four little kittens, a completely black cat I called Rapster, Smarto our little boy who was slow from day one, Ringo because she had rings in her body and Kuttima because she was small and Kutty in my language means small. We had to be innovative with names considering we had four of them to name.
Rapster got sick few weeks later, and was diagnosed with congenital heart problems. He would not move, and would sit in a place all day. I was studying in college then, and I would carry him all day I was home and did everything with him on my arms. He died at the hospital and the doctor suggested we bring the rest of them in to have them checked. Kuttima was really sick, Ringo had some problems and Smarto was healthy. They gave Kuttima six months to live, and she stayed with us until November 19, 2014. She was twelve years old.
She was the most gentle of the lot. Smarto and Ringo fought each other from day one, and she was their mediator. She was skinny, and her ears were always straight so I nicknamed her Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. She fought me during shower time and walked on walls to get away from the water. She had big eyes and was so delicate that when I carried her I thought I might break her. But she was a fighter and she fought to stay with us for twelve years. She had a big heart, a heart bigger that her body could take it.
Last year her stomach bloated with liquid and we were told her condition was getting worse. We could put her to sleep but I refused. She was active, and did not look sick. In the past month, her stomach got bigger, and she was walking slow until Tuesday when I was carrying her. She hung on to me like a newborn kid, and it broke my heart. I knew something was not right and could not sleep all night long. I hoped and prayed she would make it. She seemed okay on Wednesday morning, but when I got back from work she would not walk and was crying. I knew if I took her to the hospital I would have to make the hardest decision of my life. Yet, I knew I had to do it.
I tried to hold my composure, but as the doctor explained the procedure I started crying. I got some time with my baby girl as I held her, and pampered her. She was ready to go and lay there still. I held her head in my hand as the doctor put the meds in her body that would stop her heart. I saw her drift away from me. I could not bear to see her lay there still.
It was the hardest day of my life. I cannot stop crying and every corner in my house reminds me of her. I have never seen one of my pets die in front of me and it has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with yet. I cannot get her face from my eyes as I said goodbye to her. I had a choice to not be there, but I knew I had to be with her holding her through her last moments.
Kuttima, my little fighter I love you and I miss you so much. My life has been enriched by your presence and we miss you so much.